The Limits of Niceness

Don't you just hate it when someone has the nerve to tell you how you feel or what you think or what you experienced? Especially when you've already told them and they think they know better? It leaves me shaking my head--and formulating possible responses into the wee hours. Finally it dawns on me--this isn't really about me; it's about them! This controlling, crazy-making behavior can leave you feeling confused and frustrated, which I think in many cases is the desired effect. I don't want to create an I'm OK you're not OK stance in my conversations, but at the same time, I do want to be clear in my mind and in my responses that you and I are separate, I am the expert on how I feel/think and what I've experienced, and you are the expert on you. If I give respect, I also deserve respect, and this is nothing more than basic respect. Some people expect your "niceness" to include letting them bully or control you. I've learned to define my niceness with appropriate boundaries about me/mine and you/yours: that good old kindergarten stuff. It never stops being important, does it?