Mr. Nice Guy

Many of us have fallen victim to the "nice guy" syndrome. We might not say it, but we operate on the basic assumption that always agreeing, giving in, giving up, and giving way--being "nice"--is the ultimate show of good character. Standing up for oneself, standing for something, speaking the truth, asking questions is taboo. In fact, if you dare to do it publicly, you are likely to get disapproving stares or even a public correction. If you are seen as a nice person but actually one day display a mind of your own, you will be especially likely to experience some sort of shunning.

You would think that being unfailingly nice would result in being treated well, appreciated and respected, but anyone who has lived like this knows that it doesn't always work that way. I'm not suggesting that we stop being nice, but I am recommending taking a look at our assumptions and expectations and motivations. What does it mean to be nice? Is it really the most important virtue of all? Does the approval of others prove I am acting right? Does their disapproval mean I have done something wrong? What really is most important to me? How does niceness relate to respect? These questions are a good start; more on this later.